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December 31, 2003 Here we are at this date again. First of all, my Top Ten Films list is up. I didn't buy enough records this year to feel comfortable making a top ten records list, but of the ones I did buy, the best are: Speakerboxx/The Love Below (Outkast), Out Of Season (Beth Gibbons/Rustin Mann), The Theater Fire (The Theater Fire), Dear Catastrophe Waitress (Belle & Sebastien), The Beginning Stages Of (The Polyphonic Spree), Tasty (Kelis), Hail To The Thief (Radiohead), and...what the heck, I'll also include the imperfect but very good albums from Nick Cave (Nocturama) and British Sea Power (The Decline Of British Sea Power). And, since I forgot to list them last year for some reason, () (Sigur Ros) and American IV (Johnny Cash) are highly recommended. Oh, and the soundtrack to 'Kill Bill' is an amazing compilation. Memo to self: expand musical horizons next year. What the hell is a year, anyway? This whole concept of time is annoying sometimes. And as for books, rather than list ever book I read this year, which would be a long list of very good books, I'll just mention the one that affected me the very most, which was Chaim Potok's 'My Name Is Asher Lev,' followed by Cormac McCarthy's 'Blood Meridian.' Meanwhile, for sheer enjoyment, nothing tops 'Harry Potter And The Order Of The Phoenix' and 'Carter Beats The Devil.' Okay, that's it. No resolutions, well-wishings, reminisicings, postulations, moratoriums, idiosyncrasies, expectations, happy birthdays, or anything else, at least in writing. 2003 is history, or at least it would be if I didn't have the tendency to keep dating documents with it for at least the first month of the new year. I love you all and goodnight.
December 30, 2003 I'm consuming nothing but liquid today, and possibly tomorrow; I've been eating too many carbs (their vegan status notwithstanding) over the holidays, and I need to work them out of my system. I also need to start working out again -- I had to stop running two weeks ago, after discovering a rather embarassing hole in my only pair of shorts, and haven't had a chance to replace them until now. They mark my last personal purchase (I hope) until this movie is done. Oh, except for my driver's license. I renewed that today, online, which means I get to keep the classic picture of me that was taken last time I got a new one (when I was eighteen and very Goth). If you haven't ever seen my license, ask me to show it to you next time you see me. I'm very proud of it. The next time I get my license renewed, perhaps I'll be a highly successful filmmaker; what a comforting thought!
December 29, 2003 Throughout each week these past few months, I've grown doubtful of the success of this movie. Then Sundays come, with the rehearsals that get better and better and the meetings that, even when they're tedious and overburdened with worrisome developments (which most definitely does not describe yesterday's meeting), are exciting because, hey, we're making movies. What I can deduce from this is that any pesimistic tendencies on my part would be nullified if we were makign enough money on this to work together day in, day out. Luckily, that's how we're shooting it -- weekend filmmaking is a thing of the past. We've started videotaping everything -- it's never too early to get started on extras for the eventual DVD. A talented filmmaker named Sai Selvarajan is shooting our behind-the-scenes footage for us, in which Jim will be personified by my cell phone (I've got a fancy one with a speakerphone) until he arrives here January 6th. We do camera tests at the studio on the 7th. Man, that's right around the corner! With that in mind, I started doing some storyboards -- much rougher than the still-crappy ones I did for 'Still,' but enough to have a solid visual reference point when we get to the set. Having them has taken a huge weight off my mind. My dad and I bought the lumber for the set today and have been cutting it all morning. 28 12ft planks have been cut down into 32 pylons (I think that's the correct terminology) and 80 cross braces, along with a few more pieces for vertical support braces. Also, 16 4x8 pieces of ply for the actual walls. We're doing the actual construction on Friday. Working with wood is incredibly satisfying; I don't understand it. I built a large shelf for a sculpture piece (still unfinished) a few months back, and while I was sawing and nailing it together I felt like I was honestly doing something with my life.
December 28, 2003 With my Amazon gift certificates, I finally picked up that Cremaster book. Regretfully, I won't have the chance to have Matthew Barney sign it; as I predicted back in August, his appearance at the DMA will coincide precisely with the second to last day of shooting. Speaking of which, my segment shoots in two weeks from tomorrow morning! How did that sneak up on me? Back to the gift certificates, I also ordered all of Peter Jackson's early films, minus the one I wanted most, Forgotten Silver; rather than pay the high price for one of the few rare copies, I'll wait until it gets reissued. As for Dead Alive, I was surprised to realize that I've given it as a gift twice before, but have never actually owned it myself.
December 27, 2003 I've only had two nightmares so far about making 'Deadroom.' There'll be more, I'm sure. But as far as nightmares go, you're never supposed to relay them to others because they have no meaning or context outside your own subconscious. But ignoring that...I wrote this late last night or early this morning, in case I needed it later: It's 4:40 in the morning and something is weird. Bear with me. I was dreaming a dream in which Bush had decided to nuke the middle east. It was a really realistic dream. I suddenly woke up, I rose up, to the sound of something spinning very very fast in my house, down the hall from my room, a cyclical whoosh like when E.T. made the little clay spheres fly. It stopped instantly, and my heart was racing as fast as it ever has. I lay there for ten mintutes, afraid to move or turn on the lights. I heard no other sound, and gradually I felt my muscles relax, in layers, like thin sheets of frost melting from my body. In the darkness, my computer made a clicking noise, and a few moments later I turned on the lights. My heart had not stopped beating. I've just checked the news online; it hasn't changed since I went to bed. My heartbeat is slowing down now, but my fingers are shaking. Aside from that half hour, it's been a lovely holiday. One of these days, though, I'll be somewhere where it actually snows on Christmas.
December 25, 2003 It's a happy one so far. You should listen to John Lennon's 'Happy Christmas (War Is Over)' at least once today.
December 24, 2003 23 minutes to Christmas. I'm about to go to Midnight Mass. The only time I like to go to church is on Christmas and Easter, since I guess they're the religious linchpins by which I was raised. Going at midnight, and the fact that it's in Latin, adds a valuable sense of mystery to it all. But because the sacred is often best in the company of the profane, church has been preceeded by a second viewing of that new perennial classic, 'Bad Santa.' God Bless Us Everyone, and Terry Zwigoff too. Of the gifts I've opened so far, I received from my brother a copy of Tim Burton's The Melancholy Death Of Oyster Boy -- the Christmas edition, which is exactly the same as the original edition, only with a new dustjacket. That's okay, though, because I lost my old copy years ago. I also got a few Amazon gift certificate, which are really the best presents one can get -- aside from Samurai swords. And everything that might come along with the 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' sentiment, although that's not an option I have at the moment, so I'll be happy with the gift certificates. My little sister's reaction when she opened the presents I got her validated this entire holiday.
December 22, 2003 I managed a bit of Christmas shopping today -- or all of it, to be exact, since I'm afraid I'm not getting many people much at all. Just a few things, here and there. Stuffed animals and such. There are a few people that I usually buy things for that I haven't this year thus far, which makes me feel a little guilty. Anyway, I also went to Dallas's theatrical costume supplier and dug through the costumes to find exactly what I need for my segment of 'Deadroom.' Prop houses and costume shops are better than toy stores.
Shot wise, it's great -- it has a lot of wide-angle close-ups in it, some of which take the unusual approach of doing reverse coverage with the actors in inner corners of the frame, the angle dutched a little bit, which is something I plan on doing a few times myself. How coincidental. It was also shot in eleven days, which is encouraging, given our own nine day schedule. It's really well directed (although the commentary sucks); I hope I don't unconsciously rip it off now. Jim and I discussed the photography for my segment for a long time last night (after the seven hour meeting) and came up with some awesome ideas -- I wish we had more lines of resolution with which to capture the beauty that will be the lighting in this movie. For the record, the other scene that I keep going back to for inspiration is the early pot-smoking/interogation scene in 'Eyes Wide Shut,' which is a mesmerizing short film in and of itself. Yen has jumped on the bandwagon and started his own blog. Now Nick just needs to get one going and we'll all be as trendy as you want us to be!
December 21, 2003 The better my rehearsals get, the more exhausting they are. We made it through the whole thing twice today, and hit all the notes just right, and I think we all got emotionally worn out -- especially the actors, of course, since they had to actually go through them, while I get worn out paying attention to every little detail. The whole thing is still very funny, but it's attained a sort of rawness that I really like -- its actually starting to hold some weight. We spent about two hours on it today, and then just had to stop. Two straight days of this is going to be intense... ...but far more fun than the seven hour production meeting that followed the rehearsal. It's kinda unsettling to think that we have enough things to do in the next two weeks to take up seven hours of discussion. I can't even look forward to Christmas this week (is it really this week?) because there's so much to do on this production. Chris Simpson, the Key Grip who was so cruelly left out of the ending credits of 'Still,' is our AD on this one -- he was so on top of what we needed to accomplish that by the end of the meeting, we agreed that he should also be Associate Producer. On the subject of Christmas, though, I got the best present imagineable at Nick and Kara's seasonal party last night -- a gorgeous samurai sword. Many a piece of fruit have been vivisected in mid air since I unwrapped it. I think I'm going to carry it around when I'm directing from now on and brandish it every time I yell "action." Although I've mostly put a moratorium to saying "action," finding it far preferable -- at least on this project, or at least during the rehearsals of this project -- to just tell the actors to begin when they're ready. Top Ten List time again -- I think I hate making them, but I do anyway. I haven't finalized mine, but I've seen every notable release of the year (although I haven't finished an actual review in weeks), except for the one Roger Ebert put in the top spot on his list. I can't imagine liking it that much, though. Current quotables: "We must have waffles. We must all have waffles forthwith!" and "You mean like sawing and shit?" The first one you have to watch -- the second one you had to have been there when Yen said it.
December 18, 2003 I have a mantle of media around my desk and chair -- an interwoven quilt of CDs and books and DVDs and videos, with various cables running vein-like through it, this ever expanding mass, connecting various devices to each other. At least once a week, I manage to spill a cup of coffee or a glass of water on it all. That was supposed to be an introduction to this paragraph, but I don't feel like making a belabored connective sentence. Anyway, the award for best End Of The Year Campaign goes to the folks behind 'American Splendor,' who have masterfully made critics and voters alike feel guiltlessly special by sending care packages containing CDs and graphic novels; the original Harvey Pekar-designed Christmas Card they sent out today was the latest great touch. This is stuff we need to remember when we promote 'Deadroom.' Also, we need to remember that you need to spend money to make money (or at least gain an audience). I put together a budget update today. For the first time, after factoring in all actual and anticipated production costs, we're in the black by a relatively large amount -- technically it's tiny, but technically this movie might be impossible to make, so I'm sticking to relativism. The behind the scenes stuff on 'The Two Towers' DVD (and also the commentary, which I'm listening to now) relates the tale of how Viggo Mortenson broke his toe while shooting a certain scene; once again, I marvel at how our film mirrors that one, as my lead actor has just broken two toes! This is nothing if not a good sign. Back to shot lists and such. I'm also practicing animating graphics in After Effects. I need more processing power, and fast.
December 17, 2003
The one big movie I've really been looking forward to this summer is one no one has heard of. The film is 'Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow' , and you have no idea how cool this looks. Until you see the trailer on 'The Return Of The King,' of course. That opening shot of the snow falling on old New York as the giant robots fly in...this is one of those things that makes my hair stand on end. This is what would happen if Guy Maddin directed a huge sci-fi epic after watching 'The Iron Giant' twelve times in a row. I hope this is as cool as it would certainly have been if I had made it, since this is the kind of thing I dream of making. This is one of those big budget movies that also happens to be indpedently produced. The director, a 29 year old guy named Kerry Conran, doesn't have a single film credit to his name. Apparently he created the matte technology used to create the movie, which was shot on 24p HD, entirely against bluescreen. So he's a tech head -- who can write the hell out of some pulp fiction, if this script review from AICN is any indication. December 16, 2003 Arrgh, matey.
Jeremy Blake is awesome. I hear there's a DVD-Audio release of Beck's 'Sea Change' hitting stores this very day that allows you to play the entire CD while watching the shifting beauty that is Blake's art. Almost worth getting a DVD-Audio player just for that.
December 15, 2003 Listening to Bush's speech yesterday, I decided I would have a lot more respect for him if he'd wear a cowboy hat when addressing the public. I forgot that by sending my camera in for service I would be depriving myself of an editing deck. I borrowed Yen's little miniDV cam on Saturday so I could cut the footage I shot last week in time for the rehearsals the next morning. Of course I didn't start until after midnight, and wrapped up around eight AM. The way the fog was rolling outside when I was done reminded me of an old horror film. Anyway, this live action animatic turned out well enough, and is indicative that this segment will work. I'm pleased. Figure too that if I can cut it in the amount of time I did, editing the whole movie in a week should be feasible. Watching it yesterday with the actors was very helpful, and also difficult -- they were sensitive about their performances, I about my shockingly shaky camera work. I was also constantly on the verge of falling asleep. I'm excited about getting used to that. We also started doing crew interviews yesterday. I may just have 'The Lord Of The Rings' on the brain, but the sound technician we've hired really reminds me of Peter Jackson. In other news, I got a Christmas Card in the mail today and it made me very happy.
December 12, 2003 Don't let me down
December 11, 2003 Tonight I felt the ground drop out from under me in a relatively minor way when I realized something simultaneously shocking and silly, and then a little later noticed the first hints of Christmas spirit sneaking tendril-like into my ribcage. A quote from Jim Sheridan that I really really like: "I think you can still have a film if there is no picture. And maybe that's mad, but it's what I come from. I think what you actually see on film is just an extension of what you feel, even if there is no picture. And sometimes the audience has to make their own film up to run concordant with the one they're seeing. So a lot of the times, the picture is actually darkness, between the frames, in the place where your mind escapes."
December 10, 2003 Exactly one month until we shoot. I'm sick as a dog, which prevented me from making my planned excursion to the costume shop this morning to look at wardrobe possiblities (I need a tiny pink dress and a massive blue suit), and also from meeting up with miss Mae Moreno as she made a brief return to Dallas to shoot a small part in a film opposite...C. Thomas Howell? Yen and I shipped our XL-1s out yesterday for service, cleaning and calibration. Yes, it's a sad fact: we're shooting this movie on XL-1s. But James' film looked pretty nice projected on the big screen the other night, and it was shot with these two cameras...good lighting is the key here, plus the fact that we're renting good lenses and not using the crappy standard ones. Jim says he can make the movie look as good as HD so we can just lie to people about what it was shot on. Technically that's impossible, but I'll keep the front going. Pretend I never wrote this. A sporadically pressing MIA case has been solved in this article from The Guardian (thanks, LYT). Even more exciting is this interview from Black Book with -- well, the magazine describes it best when they call it a 'cinephile's wet dream.' It should be up at Cigarettes And Coffee soon, but in the meantime you can read a transcription here. Just scroll down. There's a quote in there about remembering movies as a whole, rather than in specific detail, that rang very true to me. It made me feel better about my own memory -- sometimes I feel kinda inadequate when I don't recognize a quote or a specific scene that someone mentions or references.
December 7, 2003 During rehearsals this morning, while trying to solve a problem with a line of dialogue, we hit a major strategic breakthrough with the blocking that made me incredibly excited (reflected somewhat in the photo below). It's the kind of thing no one would think twice about while watching it, but looking at the difference between what could have been and what there is now, I'm very glad I thought of it. I'm also glad we gave ourselves so much time to rehearse...I can barely imagine doing this movie otherwise. We also videotaped everything today, and I'll be editing together a rough cut version to view next week.  I tuned into HBO for the first time in my life this evening (not that I have anything against HBO, I've just never subscribed to cable TV) to watch part 1 of Mike Nichols' adaptation of Tony Kushner's 'Angels In America.' I've never seen the stage version. I think I was about 12 or 13 when the second part,'Perestroika,' premiered in NY and I remember reading a big cover story about it in the Arts section of the newspaper. I didn't understand everything that it was about, but it seemed so grand and important, and the image of the angel hovering over the man's bed that accompanied the article impressed upon me heavily, and I remember thinking that I wanted to make something like that, something huge like that. It premiered in Dallas a few years later (where it was met with picketers, although I honestly can't imagine that happening now), but I never saw it. The movie is good, often great, but you can feel the schism between the theater and cinema while watching it. Having eight actors play every role on stage must have been exciting, but the same trick is unnecessary on film for the most part. Much of the dialogue has been transposed nicely, but some of it still seems designed for actors speaking to an audience; it's great dialogue, no doubt, but it feels out of place. The special effects get in the way, too; some of them are too CG-reliant, others too physical. I think most of the sixty million dollar budget must have gone towards the cast (all of whom are 100% perfect), Pacino and Streep in particular, because the production values aren't as exemplary as I would have expected. There's a good late-90s Salon interview with Kushner in which he talks about the dangers of putting a play on the screen, and aslo talks about the Robert Altman version that was in development for a while: "Robert Altman is not going to be directing it. He thinks that it needs $40 million, and that we're never going to raise that, and so it's a mistake to try and make it." But even though I don't think the film completely deserves all the plaudits it's been receiving, it's still very good, and it makes me yearn to see it in the theater, where the impact of many scenes must be shattering, if Kushner's screenplay is any indication. The politics of the piece are fascinating to me; I have vague memories of the eighties, having been alive but politically and socially ignorant for their duration. I do recall the Bush-Dukakis debates, or at least the five minutes I had the patience for then, but like so many of my generation, I didn't really care about politics until the year 2000. I've been playing catch-up ever since. Anyway, I'm very much looking forward to part two, although I'll have to watch it after the fact, since we'll be doing crew interviews next Sunday. On a related note, seeing Jeffery Wright in his two roles convinced me further that I had the right actor in mind when I was writing (and as I'm rewriting) 'Rocketman.' Also, the use of what I realized the other day is one of my favorite songs, Moon River, was a lovely touch, and coincided nicely with the recent Fresh Air piece about its writer, Johnny Mercer.
December 5, 2003 First of all: a judicial decision that is inconsequential on a grand scale, but one that makes me happy. It's ultimately all about capital, but there's some artistic issues at stake in this as well, and that matters to me. I said I'd write more about 'The Return Of The King,' but I'm not sure what yet. But of course I actually do: this one has more problems than the other films, problems that I think Peter Jackson will fix between now and next year, when the extended edition is released. Roger Ebert wrote in his reviews of the first two (here and here) that he missed the simplicity of Tolkien's work. If he levels the same complaint with this one, I think I'll know where he's coming from, despite my unfamiliarity with the texts. The solution, though, is not about less, but more, because I wouldn't want to lose a bit of what's in the film right now. When it was all over and done with...I didn't want the lights to come back up.
December 4, 2003 'Return Of The King' was overwhelming -- exhausting even. I saw it with James, and afterwards we didn't really talk much. The sun was going down as we left the theater, and it was chilly out. I'll write more about it later. Right now, I just can't believe that it's all over. I envy every person who has had their name in the credits of all or any of these movies. Now I can finally go and read the books. Or finish them, to be more exact.
December 3, 2003 Just about twelve hours to go... I saw 'In America' this evening, and while it was mostly shot on film, it contains some of the best shot-on video footage I've seen in a long time, maybe even since the heyday of the Dogme 95 movement. The footage is brilliant mainly because it plays to the medium's advantage -- which is why the fact that 'Deadroom' is being shot digitally still troubles me ever so slightly now and then, since we're all going for a very cinematic look. But fuck it. 'In America' is wonderful, by the way. All of this pre-production has cut down drastically on my usual writing routine. I haven't worked on any of my various projects for a few weeks now. For once, that's not bothering me.
December 2, 2003
One thing you should never forget to include in your budget: production insurance. We forgot. During rehearsals on Sunday, I showed Kelly and Harry scenes from such wildly divergent films as 'Eyes Wide Shut' and 'Singin' In The Rain' to explain some of my ideas about their performances. Hopefully these examples didn't contradict each other too much. I also threw in the trailer for The Cremaster Cycle, mainly just because I love showing it to people. It turns out that Harry saw one of Barney's early exhibits (the one in which he lowered himself into a tub of vaseline) in LA. Small, small world. I've been finishing up the behind the scenes stuff on the 'Two Towers' DVD and it's totally got me hyped up to start shooting. It was heartening to learn that the LOTR crew was never quite sure if what they were making would come together in post production. I'm happy to say that we've got exactly the same fear! It's always nice to be able to equate yourself with some of the most incredible techincal (and dramatic) films of all time. On a related note, I guess it's about time to start my countdown until 'The Return Of The King.' Let's see...it's 2:30am on Wednesday morning...so just under thirty six hours. I can't wait.
November 29, 2003
My other favorite piece was by Louise Bourgoisie -- one from her Cell series. It sits alone in a small room, and it's emotional power is both obvious and incredibly affecting (do a Google image search on her name to get an idea of her work). The entire exhibit is exceptional, so if you're in Dallas, get thyself to it before it closes in March.
November 27, 2003 One thing I did yesterday that I forgot to mention: inspired by 'Elf,' I ate some spaghetti with chocolate syrup. It wasn't too good, though.
November 26, 2003 A chronological account of the past four days: Saturday: our usual Sunday 'Deadroom' meeting, moved up one day. Our chief discussion was, predictably, about money. There's a tendency to allot every last dollar to something, to leave no room to breath. This is ultimately a very damaging way to work, as unexpected costs always pop up. You try to anticipate these contingencies, and every time you think of something new to spend money on, you have to subtract it from the budget of another department, because the bottom line is all you have to work with. Whichever department has the most money allotted to it is generally villified, because why should that department have more than this one -- in this case, the evil department is production design. I'm constantly insisting that the sets need to be built for less so that we can afford to put more money towards cameras or sound. I think I'll give the art crew a break for a while and shift my ill will towards craft services. Who really has time to eat on a movie like this, anyway? Sunday: second round of rehearsals. I'm going to memorize the entire script along with the actors - it's only fair, really, and I'm sure it will help my directing process. However, I haven't had time to do so yet. Neither have Kelly or Harry, although by the third read through they aren't looking at their sides much any more. By the fourth read through, I sense that we're all sort of sick of the dialogue; I need to be careful not to run this thing into the ground as we work on it. We spend some time pruning the dialogue, especially in the first seven pages; the last two thirds of the script are where it really picks up -- the beginning is always a bitch. As they read, I'm hit with a bout of inspiration and add two (hopefully) very funny lines to the end, involving pie. Pie is always funny. Prognosis = looking good. Monday: I finally get the new Deadroom website launched, albeit in an 'under construction' form. I also speak to Jim about the possiblity of shooting my segment without a set, using a 20x20 silk as the only background. Seems feasible, but I'm still not sure if that's the look I really want. Time to do some production sketches. I wonder if I could key the set out in post with the technology I have (reminder -- keep exploring After Effects). Tuesday: I write three new reviews of various period epics (as far as The Missing goes, stick to the trailer, and while you're checking out trailers, watch the new one for Guillermo Del Toro's Hellboy and wrap your head around the coolness of Ron Pearlman starring in a big budget action movie). Wednesday: I write this update. Among other things. Oh yeah, and that 'Brown Bunny' trailer was great. I bet the movie is exactly like it, too, only about 45 times as long.
November 22, 2003 While we wait for monetary salvation, we're not hedging our bets. Thus, if you a.) feel sympathetic and b.) were about to make a contribution to your favorite presidential candidate's campaign fund, take a moment to think about your priorities and the fact that no presidential candidate has the revitalization of the National Endowment For The Arts on their agenda, and then click here. Likewise, if you were planning on seeing 'The Cat In The Hat' this weekend, you could instead channel that money towards a movie that actually deserves it. Frankly, in this case, I don't care what you do with your cash, but please don't spend it on 'The Cat In The Hat;' this desecration of Dr. Seuss classics needs to stop. Read this review of it on AICN instead; I'm sure it's far more amusing than the film itself.
November 21, 2003 Moviefone is one of the last places you'd expect to find erudite writing on cinema, but they have a series of articles in which directors select some of their own personal influences that is of the utmost interest. The most meaningful to me were some of Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's comments on Von Trier's 'Breaking The Waves:'
November 20, 2003 Noticeably absent from that Guardian list is Peter Jacskon. I'm currently about an hour into the making-of material on 'The Two Towers' extended edition set. In anticipation of reaching the segment on the special effects, I've started thinking -- what if we just shot all of 'Deadroom' against a greenscreen? The trailer for 'The Brown Bunny' is now available and it sounds very nice. Because it is in that vile Windows Media Player format, I can't actually see it yet. The film itself is being released in Australia this week and Europe early next year, so I imagine I'll be able to snag a copy of the region free DVD sooner rather than later. Also available for download, in the only format worth a damn (that being Quicktime) is a rough selection of clips from this movie, a new project from my favorite actor. I think you'll agree with me when I say it looks truly amazing. I'm off to the post office. No news on any financial issues.
November 19, 2003 I removed the curtains from the window by my bed and have been waking up with the sunrise every morning since. Ostensibly, I should be getting more things done with this extra time. Alas, that is not the case. I spend it all waiting nervously for an alleviating e-mail or phone call. Everything's way too quiet.
November 17, 2003 I guess one of the rules of thumb of film production, independent or otherwise, is that you never really talk about money in any concrete detail. I think I'll break that rule. By the end of the week (or month), we may get up to sixteen thousand dollars for 'Deadroom.' In all likelihood, this will not happen, but the possibility is sort of tantalizing. If it doesn't come through (and it won't), any chance of resting easy for the next few months will disappear. That's being a little overdramatic, but with less than two months until we begin shooting, the riskiness of this venture is becoming more readily apparent. I'm pretty good at tightrope walking, though.
November 15, 2003 When times get tough, buy music. These knots on my shoulders are loosening a tiny bit. The Guardian has published list of the 40 best directors currently working in the world. It makes me feel happy and excited just to see all this talent grouped together on one page. There are a few exclusions I could argue for (Spike Lee, perhaps), a few placements I question (21 should be 2), but overall, this list is proof that the movies are, indeed, better than ever.
November 14, 2003 I just woke up from eleven hours of sleep. I feel like calling in sick to everything for the next few days. I don't even do that much, and I feel like I need some time off. Although, if I had it, I'd get frustrated because I'd feel like I'm wasting time that could be better spent writing or making headway in this 1055 page ActionScript technical manual. I'm really, really looking forward to editing 'Deadroom.' We've been talking about going to my family's house in the mountains of New Mexico as soon as we finish shooting the movie, and spending an entire week doing nothing but editing. And sledding. But mostly editing. Cut off from pretty much everything else. I heard a brief quip in the news this morning; something about retirees in Alaska. A whole story immediately unfolded in my head. It's been quite a few months since that happened.
November 11, 2003 I saw Tim Burton's 'Big Fish' last night. Now, although 'Edward Scissorhands' is still one of my all time favorite films, it's been a long time since I considered Tim Burton my favorite director. I guess as I've grown older, I've gravitated towards writer/directors, rather than pure visualists. More than almost any other director, Burton's strength lies in his imagination, and I would love to see him make a silent film, where his visual storytelling would be unhampered with dialogue. Anyway, 'Big Fish' snuck up on me and surprised me. I was unhinged by the last twenty minutes. The last time I cried that hard was over two year ago, and unconnected with a movie (although it was incidentally connected to Ewan McGregor, as I recall listening to the 'Moulin Rouge' soundtrack at the time). I was sort of embarassed when the lights came up. The last twenty minutes do something that I've tried to do with almost every one of my feature length scripts since 'Lullaby' -- I always try to breach reality to find the perfect form of closure, and while I think I've never quite succeeded, I now have a beautiful example of how to do it right. Tim Burton fans have more than one reason to be excited right now; one of the most eagerly awaited DVDs ever has finally been announced. So follow my example and preorder it now, even if -- or especially if, in this case -- you're in the midst of gathering funds for a film and can't afford to buy DVDs.
November 9, 2003 I had my first 'Deadroom' rehearsal with Harry and Kelly today (props to JMJ for letting me use his domicile for that purpose). We read through the script twice, but spent the rest of the two hours discussing the project, the dialogue, inspiration, David Lynch, traffic, and just generally getting to know each other. It was really enjoyable and relaxed, and I suddenly feel a whole lot more enthusiastic about rehearsing. We'll be meeting again in two weeks, and then weekly after that until we shoot (which is exactly two months from now). The rehearsal was followed with one of our weekly meetings, in which we settled the production design question and discussed more ways to raise money, and then we settled down to watch Lars Von Trier's Dogville, which I can't quite wrap my head around yet...except I know that it's amazing (reviews of this and others are forthcoming). After seeing it, James and I were immediately convinced that we should completely eschew sets for 'Deadroom.' Largely in jest (and admiration), of course, although I had already been leaning towards something along those lines for my particular segment... I've been slowly, slowly teaching myself Maya (via the free learning version) in my free time. I now have a newfound and profound respect for CGI. I also have been slowly, slowly reading 'Moby Dick.' Great book, but rather tedious at times. I have to finish it by December, so I can end this year as I began it (author-wise): Blood Meridian is sitting at the very top of my stack of reading material.
November 7, 2003
If you go see, 'Elephant,' do what I did: sit in the front row, even if the theater is empty. The film was shot in 1:33:1, meaning it's taller than it is wide, and letting it loom over you intensifies the experience exponentially. Most movies are better wide; some need to tower. If I ever make 'Post,' this is the aspect ratio I'll use. If you need a breather while watching it, pay attention to the video game the kids play; it's an inside joke, and it might afford you a quick laugh if you get it. I'm going to step outside for a moment. James just sent me an e-mail that kinda blew my mind. Okay, I'm back. Winter's taken a while to arrive, but I think it's finally here, accompanied by a heavy inlay of fog, which I'll gladly brave tomorrow night to see the polar opposite of 'Elephant,' which is 'Love Actually.' It's a bit ludicrous how much I'm looking forward to this movie (I missed both advance screenings last month, and rarely has a traffic jam ever frustrated me so much). It's like comfort food; I know it will make me happy, even if, or perhaps especially if, I see it alone. The same way 'Notting Hill' did. The night I saw that, incidentally, was the night I took out all of my piercings, except for my tongue stud, and later accidentally crushed a cockroach while closing the door to my hallway. Four years later, its flattened exoskeleton is still fused to the same spot, a permanent memento of how much I love, or remember loving, that movie. An altoid box contains all the old rings and barbels that used to adorn my body; they don't mean much of anything, though.
November 5, 2003 Okay, if you can read this, that means I successfully transferred the site to the new, stronger, faster server. Most of it, at least. I'll finish up later tonight.
November 3, 2003 This makes me want to puke.
November 2, 2003 I just found out that my younger cousin John is currently leading a platoon of Army Rangers into the mountains of Afghanistan in search of...terrorists, I guess. It's sort of troubling. We made a lot of movies together when we were kids, including one called 'Night Of The Living Dead Kids.' He's moved up in the military really fast. So I'm proud of him in one way, worried in another, and I guess overall I'm just glad he's not in Iraq; at least there's a sort-of reason for us to be in Afghanistan. Had another one of our weekly 'Deadroom' meetings today, this time to discuss production design. It was a big argument again, but it was also a lot of fun, more like a good debate. The issue was whether all of our rooms need to have the same overall design. I think they do, sort of, but they should also reflect our individual visions -- and the look isn't even as important as the feeling. And doing that won't be our responsibility -- as always, Kara is doing our production design, and I think she's got her work cut out for her. Which, of course, we're very grateful for. For some reason, money has ceased to be an issue for the time being, but I'm sure that will change soon. I went to Kara's birthday party last night and realized I don't have much interest in alcohol these days. It took me all evening to finish one glass of wine. Maybe I'll go straight edge for a while...well, actually, I probably won't. But I should.
October 31 Hey, Happy Halloween! Addendum (as the night ends): the new print of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre' was beautiful in that all sorts of wondeful imperfections were still in it. Scratches, rough splices, uncorrected color -- it really added to the mood of the movie. And of course, since I'd never seen it before, this was the best possible way to experience it. I can completely see why it's a classic -- it scared me. There are a few moments that are completely on par with 'Psycho.' Afterwards, we went to a midnight screening of a really funny short film called 'Portal: THe Movie,' directed and starring Bill Sebastien -- who, incidentally, is one of the actors who will soon be lending his talents to 'Deadroom.' Costume wise, I dressed up as some sort of asexual glam figure...makeup, glitter, high collared flower print shirt that has some remarkable sentimental value. The red pumps. Bleeding toes. It was a great Halloween.
October 30 Closing night of the film festival -- Bubba Ho Tep was sold out, so we went to see 'The Cooler,' starring William H. Macy, which I thought was very good. I wish I could link to my review, but I haven't written one yet (nor have I written any for the nearly ten noteworthy films since I last wrote a review -- am I reaching the end of that particular hobby?). Anyway, producer Ed Pressman was there and spoke briefly at the end. He mentioned that he's attracted to work with certain first time filmmakers because their charisma automatically gives him an idea of what kind of films they'll make. So I was sitting there, thinking "I should just go up there and confront him and impress the hell out of him. I've got that kind of charisma and passion. But no no no, he's going to be mobbed in the lobby by all sorts of filmmakers, we're a dime a dozen to guys like him, I'll leave him alone. But this could be my chance, this is what it takes, one has to be upfront, one has to believe in one's self, one has to be ready to jump in at any minute. But on the other hand, any inertia and momentum I gain in the next few second to actually get up and approach him would be deflected by the fact that he gets this all the time. He's from LA, after all. But then, he doesn't get it all the time from me.. I'm different, I'm better. I can do this. Seriously. I've got it. I've got it. But then again, he's the guy who pissed on Brandon Lee's memory by making sequels and a TV show to 'The Crow.' And besides, I really have to take a piss myself." Thought processes like that are an excellent example of why I'm not making a living in this business yet. Tomorrow's Halloween already. I haven't a clue what I'll dress up as. I went to an early Halloween party last weekend, where it was decided I was underdressed, so I was given some high heel pumps and a sequined top and a bra. It wasn't quite a complete costume, so I didn't put them on (except for the shoes, which I wore all night), but perhaps I could augment it tomorrow with a skirt and a blonde wig...but then I'd have to shave my legs and chest and arms and all that. More trouble than it's worth. Plus I don't even know what I'm going to do yet. There's a screening of the original 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre,' a brand new 35mm print, and Tobe Hooper's going to be there. I'm probably going to go that first, but after that...geez, I feel lame. I don't even know what to do on the coolest holiday of the year. Hopefully I can round some people up to go to a haunted house.
October 29, 2003 I've only managed to see a few films at the Deep Ellum Film Festival so far -- 'Party Monster,' 'Dinner With Melvin,' 'The Fog Of War,' and of course 'Prison-A-Go-Go,' which was just fantastic; for the most part, Barak outdid himself and most other local filmmakers. Also, the Chaotic Cong song worked perfectly and kept the crowd enthused during the credits -- it sounded pretty badass in the theater's surround sound. 'The Fog Of War' was brilliant, as Errol Morris documentaries usually are. Former Secretary Of Defense Robert MacNamara comes across as a genuinely good man, but had I been the person I am now back in the mid sixties, I would not have been a fan of his, to put it lightly. It made me think of Donald Rumsfeld, and also his recent admission of doubt over the Iraq program; maybe he managed to catch this movie and got a headstart on hindsight. I just checked our 'Deadroom' account balance and we've hit the two million mark! Of course I'm only kidding. But we do have more than a tenth of our budget in it, which I suppose is pretty good. I talked with Jim and James about the film at the airport, before Jim went back to LA, and he was so encouraging about it that, once again, I can't help but think that something will come of it. On the other hand, James and I were waiting in line to see 'Dinner With Melvin' this evening and we hit upon the possibility that maybe, perhaps, by some crazy twist of fate, we're not as talented as we think we are...which would certainly explain a few things. Like why we were waiting in line and weren't VIP guests. October 26, 2003 Tonight we had our first big Deadroom cast meeting. All of the actors showed up and we all discussed the project -- and, more importantly, signed the paperwork, which means we can finally put their names up on the website (not that that's exciting to anyone but us).The two cast actors in my segment are Harry Goaz and Kelly Grandjean (who doesn't have a page on IMDB yet since she's mostly done local theater, but whose second audition made Yen cry and impressed the hell out of the rest of us). After taking care of all the boring legal aspects (and dealing with the world's second slowest copier), we watched an hour-long montage of clips we put together from various films (we each selected a few) to give the cast a vague idea of our tastes (although a few films only represented some of our tastes), our influences, and in most cases the type of feeling we're going for with this project. The clips, which mainly featured dynamic exchanges between only two people, were from: In The Mood For Love, Thelma & Louise, Bread & Roses, Oasis, Lan Yu, Love Serenade, The Shining, The Man Who Wasn't There, Titus, Dead Man, Gangs Of New York, George Washington, Mulholland Drive, Buffalo 66, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Rushmore, and, of course, Punch Drunk Love. They went over very well. In the middle of them, who should walk in but the man everyone loves to love, Jim McMahon, our cinematographer! James was the only one who knew he was in town from LA (for the premiere of this film tomorrow night), so it was a swell surprise for the rest of us. He's going to be meeting with us individually over the next two days to discuss our various visual approaches to our segments of the film. At long last, everyone dispersed and the merriment ended and I left to consume mass amounts of coffee and have a decent laugh. Stay tuned for part two: first rehearsals! First I need to find a place to hold them. And on a completely different note, let me refer you to the site of Joe Frank, an award winning radio dramatist who came to my attention when he was profiled last week on NPR. Listen to some of his work; the stuff I've heard so far is amazing.
October 25, 2003 And now for some boring technical stuff. The hosting service I've used for the past four years is going under at the end of the month. I've already set up a new account with a new (and better) company, but haven't finished all the transferring of files and switching of DNS numbers and all that. So if at some point you can't access the site, it's because I'm in the final steps of moving it. Also, when it's at the new location, you'll need to re-bookmark it, I think. Because someone has my site bookmarked, right?
October 24, 2003 James has a nice tribut to Elliot Smith over at his site. He's the one who introduced me to him back at the turn of the century; first on the set of 'Lullaby,' and then a few months later when I was listened to XO over and over again during that record seventy two hour editing session back at his old apartment. Listening to his music these past two days, I suddenly feel almost completely objective about it. And it's sadder than it ever was before. I got this 'Lost In Translation' hardcover photo album today. It's gorgeous. I seriously don't think anything will top that movie for me this year, but advance word on 'Elephant' is growning stronger. The more I read about it (such as this interview with the DP), the more beautiful it sounds...but I imagine it will leave me feeling empty and sad, whereas 'Lost In Translation' leaves me brimming over with love, and I don't think I'm cyncial enough to let the former triump over the latter. Or at least I hope I'm not. On Sunday we're having our first cast meeting for the project that seems destined for greatness but will in actuality probably leave us all sorely dissapointed although perhaps, hopefully, a little wiser and not too much worse for wear. I'm looking forward to it (the meeting), and then the rehearsals that will begin the week afterwards. If I can find a place to hold them. That reminds me, I need to do a last minute rewrite of the script so I can give it to the actors. I've had a lousy case of writers' block this past week. It's not so much writers' block as just a lack of desire to physically type (not that this page is suffering any). Perhaps I should try handwriting again.
October 22, 2003  My mom went too, and loved it. She's that kind of cool conservative.
October 22, 2003  No point in trying to find an appropriate lyrical sample at the moment.
October 21, 2003 Wake up wake up WAKE UP. So then. Deadroom Productions is now an official Sole Proprietorship...or General Partnership...it depends on what paperwork you look at. In any case, it's a legitimate business to which you can make a generous donation if you feel so inclined. Also, the website has been given an intermediate revamping for a very specific purpose, which of course I can't talk about. EDIT: Old site is now back up again. After the morning jaunt to the city hall and the bank, I swung by Best Buy to pick up the new Indiana Jones DVDs. I've always sort of underplayed the effect they had on my decision to become a filmmaker, but they were pretty significant. The first real screenplay I ever wrote, a one page affair, was a rip-off of the rope bridge sequence in 'The Temple Of Doom,' which was the first of the trilogy I saw. I even made a model of the bridge with little figures to occupy it, but alas, I had no way to film anything at that time. Anyway, the boxed set is a must have if you're an Indiana Jones fan (and unlike so many people, I don't really understand the ill will towards either of the second two installments -- they're all great, as far as I'm concerned, just like 'Return Of The Jedi' is great). The extras, especially the documentary, are also great, despite all the material that's missing. I love seeing behind-the-scenes stuff of these old films. I can't wait to see what they unearth for the eventual 'Star Wars' DVDs. I'm trying to retrain my fingers to play the piano differently. When I was seventeen, I developed a certain style that I've since become stuck with. I've been jamming with my brother a lot lately, but everything sounds the same because I can't get past this certain muscular road block. The IMDB seems to have retooled their codes, so I can't link to their posters anymore for my movie reviews (you'll notice a broken image link in the corner of all the old reviews). So they'll all be image-free from now on, but never fear -- the wit, insight and syntax errors you've come to depend upon will remain present.
October 20, 2003 I think I might have hurt the feelings of more girls than any guy ever should. I don't know what happened...
October 19, 2003 As if in response to all the great things that are happening with 'Deadroom,' our production meeting today was focused primarily on the more problematic aspects of the production. Despite all the great deals we've been getting, we really don't have any money for one of the most important aspects -- production design. Shooting an entire movie in one room may sound cost effective until your realize that you need to build that room. It's the kind of thing that will cost at least 1000 dollars, and we're going to have to figure out how to do it for about a fifth of that. Which we'll be able to do, of course, but it'll be tough. And then there's the whole conflict and compromise issue, in that this is a collaborative effort and every now and then someone's ideas about something are markedly different than some else's, making it hard to come to a conclusion on whatever that topic might be. It's frustrating, especially when you've got four champions of the auteur theory working in concert, which is sort of a contradiction. BUT, this is all just the nature of the beast. If any good is comes of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, it is that it might convince a few people that meat is actually pretty gross. Some of those slaughterhouse scenes were nice and disgusting, and while most people will probably think they were amped up, set decoration wise, for maximum effect, they were actually pretty realistic. So how hypocritical is it for me to be a vegan who likes shooting on film (which is basically made up of plastic and horses)? The answer is: very.
October 17, 2003 I don't have anything to talk about now, but I felt like making a post anyway. I've spent a good part of the day engrossed in software tutorials, which is the kind of accomplishment that doesn't feel like one at all.
October 15, 2003 Harry Knowles is finally making the inevitable leap into producing his own films. I hope he makes some good movies.
Special thanks to Lonnie at the Inwood Theater for letting me in free to see Demonlover this evening. On a related note, I hear Mark Cuban just bought the whole Landmark Theaters chain. I'd like to think that anyone nice enough to write a personal (if negative) response to a filmmaker (me) looking for large donations might run a good indie theater, but I think he has some ulterior motives that might be questionable. I'd hate for him to start broadcasting Mavericks games on the big screen at my favorite movie theater.
October 14, 2003 After years of sitting through the annual pledge drives on NPR and PBS -- going all the way back to when I was really little and would watch 'Fiddler On The Roof' every year on Channel 13 -- I finally made that phone call myself today and became a patron of public broadcasting. I feel sort of special now. Tonight, James and Curtis and I finished up work on the closing credits song for Barak Epstein's Prison-A-Go-Go, which will have its world premiere in about a week. I saw the rough cut of the film about a week ago, and it's pretty swell. We did our best to create an awesome old school-style hip hop song ridiculous enough to do the film justice, and after nearly tearing our hair out in frustration at the various recording sessions, I think we hit our creative stride this evening. At least I hope we did, because we output it and I'm handing the CD over to Barak tomorrow. There's going to be this big group of famous filmmakers some day (I hope) who all came from Dallas and who all have bizarre and random credits on each other's films. Right now, it's great to have such a super support group. I've really got to try hard not to count on 'Deadroom' becoming an indie sensation; I've been forgetting my promise to myself to always have a backup plan. But so many good things seem to be happening with this project that it's hard to imagine it not going somewhere. I almost feel like it's charmed. I wish I could say that getting a film made in the first place is the only thing that matters -- there's definitely a lot of truth in that, but at a certain point, other things start to matter a whole lot as well. And now back to contemplating death...
October 13, 2003 Old entries have been archived once again. Now I know how awful this page looks before it has a full 768 pixels worth of posts on it. One of the worst parts about casting is sending out the rejection letters to the people who were great but not quite great enough. This is what I wrote to them (minus personalizations):
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but to cut straight to the chase, we've gone with another actor for the part you auditioned for. I honestly can say that your performance was not in any way inferior, and I know that most rejection letters say much of the same thing (I get them all the time from film festivals), but it's definitely true. The decision was made simply on the basis of how intuitively we felt each actor interpreted the role in the audition, because as far as talent goes, everyone who we called back the other week was on the same level. However, we recently came up with some additional scenes -- interludes, to be exact -- for 'Deadroom,' and so a few of the people who got that letter are going to be in the movie after all. It's never wise to add more scene to a feature that you only have eight days to shoot, but I think they'll be very worthwhile, and they're small enough to shoot over our lunch breaks. Because I am, deep down inside, a respectable gentleman, I'm not going to link to any of the photos from the cover story of the latest issue of Esquire.
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I also picked up 
We made an early morning visit to 
I finally made it out to the DMA today for the 
Gus Van Sant has officially made two of the year's best films.
If you dig back far enough on this site, you'll find that there were once myriad references to an individual who, on the internet, went by the name Reptylinin. He's got his own